The Pre-Election/Selection Predictions...

Okay. What I'm going to try and do here is make a lot of predictions about the election, the aftermath of it, and maybe even a few things a few years down the road.

Prediction #1: Obama Wins the Election!
Yes, it's true, it's true... It's so very true. I am predicting that Obama wins the election. Why? Is it because he is just sooooo awesome? No. Its because John McCain can't be helped. He'll say something that will thrill us like coming down hard on earmarks... and then he'll vote for an $850 Bailout Bill. He'll come down hard on the Democrats and Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac... and then he'll endorse a plan for the federal government to buy up bad mortgages. Does the federal government have no limits anymore?

Anyways... Obama. Will. Win.

Prediction #2: The Crisis is Over!
Has anyone, anyone at all noticed that over the last 8 years that everything is a crisis? Like... an end of the world crisis? Global Warming. Rising Gas Prices. Homelessness/Poverty. Mean Spiritedness.
After the election of Obama I predict that suddenly, all of these crisis just won't be that big a deal anymore. Before Obama even does anything, maybe even before he really takes office, things will automatically become better. Global Warming will no longer be a worldwide crisis that will kill us all in ten years. We'll begin to see stories about hot the environment may have actually cooled slightly and the ice caps are no longer the pressing ecological disaster they've been during the Bush Presidency. Gas prices, while they may rise, will no longer be an all encompassing economic crisis for America. They will just become another price of doing business. Again, before Obama really even does anything we will stop getting stories about how this is the worst economy since the Great Depression. Do you realize how many times I've heard news agencies and politicians say that in the last 8 years? Do these people realize that these days "poor" people have cell phones and iPods? The inflated news stories about poverty and homelessness will quickly go away, again despite nothing have actually changed yet.

Prediction 3: Americas Standing in the World Will Rise!
Again, how many times over the last 8 years have we heard our standing has diminished? Excuse me, but there are still millions and millions of people who would LOVE to come here and who are trying to get in, so I don't know what their talking about. But, I guarantee that suddenly, again before Obama does anything and perhaps before he is even in Office, suddenly our "standing" will begin to rise and we will start seeing politicians on TV and news agencies talking about how people love America again.

Prediction 4: Everything Obama Does Will Be a Great Move!
Oh yes, every decision he makes, from the people he chooses to be in his Administration, to the way he gets inaugurated will be GREAT in the eyes of the mainstream media. Even if he chooses the same jerks and idiots that have run the Democratic Party for the last 20 years... somehow it will be a change and they will be fantastic picks.
Also, every new issue that does come up, Obama will be seen as handling it well. The blame will never be his. Somehow, hurricanes are President Bush's fault. Snowstorms, global warming, the credit crisis, puppies dying... everything is Bush's fault. But when Obama is President it will always be someone Else's fault and his leadership will always be seen as steady and even handed. 4 Hurricanes strike Florida in one year causing untold damage? Obama's leadership, despite the fact that he might not even do anything, will be seen as steady and strong.
Every move his government makes, no matter the terrible consequences it reeks down the road, will be seen as great. The consequences that do come while Obama is still be President will never be seen as his fault, it will always be because somehow the plan wasn't implemented properly by someone else... never Obama.

Prediction 5: Your Tax Cut is Toast!
What? Obama says he's going to give a tax break to 90% of Americans? Well, ignoring the fact that thats impossible, not only will it not happen but we will ALL get a tax HIKE. What? Obama says he's only going to raise taxes on the people or businesses who make $250,000? Ha, fat chance.
This whole thing is very Clinonesque of Obama. Clinton did the same thing when he ran the first time. Promised a middle class tax cut... and then his administration and Democrat Congress passed the largest tax increase in American History. It will happen again. I don't know what the reason will be. Obama may need to fund the $800 billion bailout bill he voted for, or pay for college education for everyone, or try to create 5 million new "green" jobs. But whatever the reason, your tax break is gone. Say hello to your tax increase. But, to go along with prediction 4, it will somehow be seen as "good" for the country and "necessary" in these troubled times.

Prediction 6: If McCain Wins, almost the opposite of everything I just predicted above will happen!
What I'm saying is that if Conservatives somehow manage to drag McCain over the finish line to victory than nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will be good in the eyes of the media. Ever.
The Crisis Will Continue. Ever little that happens will be a crisis and it will be John McCain's fault. Global Warming will somehow accelerate and kill us all that much faster. Our Standing in the World will drop even farther. Talk of a possible "recession" despite no actual quarters of the economy shrinking will escalate to a full blown depression, before McCain even does anything. Story after story about the homeless problem will suddenly appear in even greater numbers. Story after story will be written about how hateful America is and how thats the reason Obama lost. Of course it won't have anything to do with his extreme liberalism. Every move he makes will be a mistake. Oh... and your tax break is still toast because McCain will be so anxious to "work" across the aisle that any and all tax breaks will go out the window. Again, say hello to your tax increase.

There, I said it. I wrote down my predictions. I dare you to write down yours.